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Why is it that so many women cannot reach orgasm? Or what does that even mean for a woman?
For men it’s easy when it comes, you’re done!
When I try to explain to my husband what my orgasms feel like to me I stress heavily that it’s a very “feely” thing. It’s more than just a physical experience… its layers and layers of heat, chemistry, sweat, connection, emotions, and physical pleasure. It all gets built up like a big tsunami and finally, it starts to mound over until there’s no energy left to move the female waters of bliss.
What do we need to reach that state of feeling? Is it us? Is it our partner? Is it the color of the bedroom walls?!!
I am not a doctor, but I am willing to bet a jar of coconut oil that most women can reach an orgasm who have never before.
Don’t limit yourself sexually. We all have our thresholds, but if you’re not finding the satisfaction that you require, maybe try something else. I mean, why limit how to reach euphoria? Right, this means all tricks are in the bag; tongue, fingers, stimulators such as vibrators, and even the penis if you choose.
Unlock the secret to allowing yourself to be a woman!
If you have a partner, just talk to them. Being open and honest in a relationship, especially your intimate life, is vital. You may find you both needed something, just talk without judgment and express your desires.
Having an orgasmic experience is a bit like meditation.
The mind chatter can be so loud and distracting at the wrong times.
Once during sex, I caught myself balancing my checkbook… it’s not that the sex wasn’t exciting, I was distracted. Naturally, when one is balancing their checkbook they aren’t climaxing.
There’s a level of self-love and confidence that goes along with having an orgasm. You could have the most competent partner, but if you’re not into feeling your own experience, how can you reach the top?
See what I am saying?
It doesn’t stop with the grocery list… there are the thoughts about how my body looks, how am I smelling down there, is it him that smells like that? These sheets feel so soft, did I feed the dog’s dinner? God. Does it ever end!?
When I can actually focus on the sex I am having… it’s wonderful. The touches, the feels. Even the smells are better.
Having a full orgasm, especially your first one, can be very powerful. You may only experience a small orgasm before you reach the ultimate climax, and that’s okay. Say YES to the pleasure!
Say YES to what you want.
Remember, your partner isn’t a mind reader. Talk about your sexual preferences and what you would like to explore. When the time comes, talk through it. Use your words, moans, hips, anything to clearly communicate what you need. Eventually, you’ll understand the way you both move and there won’t be a need for narration.
Sex is meant to be fun, so yea, try for the big O, but enjoy the ride okay? The less expectation the more you might find in your travels.
This reminds me of when a partner and I did some relationship building research and found this very fun exercise. In a nutshell, you explore your partner for 15 minutes (set a timer!). The receiver’s goal is to feel. It’s 15 minutes of just feeling without the expectation of performing for your partner. Your partner isn’t trying to perform their best, and you end up having a lot of positive feelings exchanged. You lower the sexual expectation and then are able to enjoy it more.
Once I was able to take away the mind chatter, the insecurities of my physical and aromatic body and learned to enjoy the pleasures of the body and orgasm was well on its way.
Obviously, this is not an article based on facts, just the facts I have discovered about my own sexual development.
I know that If my mind is busy or focused elsewhere then there’s no way I can engage energetically with my partner.
I know, just like anything else, if I am not focused on the task at hand I am not giving it my full concentration and the result will be half-assed.
Think about your sexual experience as if you were in a yoga class, meditation, or even a business meeting. You have an allotted amount of time for you and your love to connect. When your session begins, just know that you are only going to focus on the right now and here.
Focus your attention on the sensations, the tastes. Just be in the moment and you’ll find yourself buzzing with fluxing chemicals of the pleasure body.
I know that my best “O” is always when my partner has started off with some great foreplay. If he expects to just shove himself in full force from the get-go, there’s a very slim chance I will feel satisfied. I am lucky to have a partner who enjoys taking care of me, and usually, our session starts out with me in the focus.
Even if I don’t come, I am way more ready and warmed up, and the possibility of the pinnacle is prevalent.
Sometimes, I am the one who really wants to satisfy and even though I am the one “doing the work” I find great satisfaction on pleasing my husband, and in another way, I am warmed up.
Even though I’ve had a great flow of pleasure, I am not limiting myself to what I have experienced. Sure I had an amazing orgasm during a thunderstorm years ago… but who’s to say that’s the only one I get?
You and your partner can build a whole book of the best orgasms together, and no one says you have to stop there.
Remember, you love this person right? So enjoy them. I love doing corny sexual things like putting a bandana over his eyes or lighting candles. It sets the mood.
The best part of this whole experience is that you get to be you. You set the bar for what you want from your sexual life. You be the goddess you want, and you get to share yourself with a wonderful partner. Be sure not to turn this into a blame game…. Either blaming yourself for not yet reaching climax, or blaming the competency of your partner.
Its fun, its sex!
It’s a rollercoaster and sometimes you loved the ride, sometimes you got so high but don’t find the same exhilaration. But you bought a season pass, so you keep trying and I bet one day you’ll find yourself in bodyloveBLISS!